More Movement Does Not Equal More Success

A few weeks ago I renewed my lease at my current apartment for another year.

This is a BIG DEAL for me. HUGE. I haven’t spent any more than 18 months in any one spot since I left home in 2013. I love moving. I love living far away from my hometown. The prospect of moving some place new can sustain me for months before it even happens.

I moved to downtown Chicago last summer under possibly the worst circumstances. I had just left Canada in the wake of a devastating breakup and came to the only place I knew I’d feel safe - my parents house. My parents live in the suburbs of Chicago and that’s where I spent a few months of purgatory. I was travelling a lot for work and staying with friends on weekends so I really didn’t ‘live’ anywhere. My stuff was at my parent’s house but I probably spent over half my time away from it, at a loss for where I should go. However, even though my relationship had disintegrated, I found myself with a new job offer on my hands and that ended up determining what I did next. I took the job, located in downtown Chicago, and moved as soon as possible.

Moving back to Illinois in the first place was actually a huge blow to my ego. For some reason I have always equated distance from home with success. The farther I lived from my hometown was directly proportional to how successful I viewed myself. I’ve pondered my reasoning for this many times, and the only thing I can come up with is that both my parents moved far away from their hometowns and never went back, and I view them both as successful.

In any case, coming back to Chicago was the safest option at the time, even if it wasn’t ideal in my version of success. But I carried this distaste with me at first, and wore it blatantly. When I started meeting new people, I hated saying that I was from here. I desperately wanted them to know that even though I grew up in the suburbs, that I had left and experienced other cities and countries before coming back. I wanted them to know I was different. I have long held the distorted belief that people who never leave their home city are somehow less cultured. Harsh and reeking of privilege, I know. I would talk often about my other living situations and what I liked better about other places in the world and I would make snide little comments that probably came off like Chicago was beneath me somehow.

But that makes very little sense. It is true that living in other places has affected me, but it doesn’t necessarily make me better. It took some time (and some therapy), but I’ve slowly come around on Chicago. I’m still not sure it’s where I would settle down (but I can’t say that about anywhere really), and it definitely has its perks. Sounds straightforward but I had to change my perspective that just because I had moved close to home again doesn’t mean there’s nothing good about this place. Chicago does have a ton to offer and I have to at least recognize and take advantage of it while I’m here.

Fast forward a whole year and my lease is about to expire. I amaze myself for a second time by not only choosing to remain in the same city, but in the same apartment. No moving at all. No prospect of new, just improving and being grateful for where I already am.

Now of course, I have to recognize the glaring factors that went into this decision. We’re in the middle of a pandemic so moving is a way bigger undertaking and risk than normal, Chicago is still an expensive city and I live in a pretty good location already, AND I was able to negotiate with my building to get almost $300 and the cost of utilities chopped off my rent. A pretty good deal right? I was very proud of negotiating it myself.

But I’m most proud of myself for finally feeling a little bit more comfortable with the fact that more movement and more distance doesn’t equate at all to more success. It all depends on the people you meet, the activities you discover, and your perspective - all of which are completely in your control.