November 2024 Diary - 30 lessons by 30
I turn 30 at the end of this month. I still remember being in the first grade and feeling as though the end of elementary school was impossibly far away. Then boom, I’m three decades into a lifetime. This age is not at all what I thought it would be. Even just a few years ago, 30 still felt very far away. It felt like this distant land where I’d somehow land in a house in the suburbs with a child. But it’s much more varied than that. Some of my peers do have houses and children. But I don’t and most of my friends don’t. In fact, there are only a few, albeit notable differences from being nearly 30 than there were to being almost 20 -
Perhaps the only real physical difference for me is that I absolutely cannot drink like I did at 20. My body simply takes much longer to recover from that kind of abuse now.
I have money. Working full time for nearly 10 years has yielded full financial independence and zero debt.
Confidence. I experimented in a lot of different ways in my 20s and now feel a lot more secure in myself and what is important to me. Believe it or not, this also means I’m the most relaxed I’ve ever been in life.
Overall, I do feel better about myself now than I ever have. So, since I love the 30 by 30 trend, I wanted to do my own. The below are all lessons that I currently live by. the majority are lessons I learned in my 20s but there are a few in there that I have lived by for as long as I can remember and they are still true. They range from small and simple to larger mindset frameworks. I hope at least 1 is useful to you.
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Melina’s 30 lessons by 30:
Wear sunscreen.
So basic, I know, but I did not start wearing sunscreen consistently until I was 24 and I have seen a massive difference in my skin since.
Do what you say you’re gonna do , when you say you’re gonna do it.
This is the behavior that builds reliability and consequently, trust. It helps build trust both at work and in your personal life.
Letting go is not the same thing as failing.
A painful lesson for me. I used to think giving up on something or walking away meant I had failed. Sometimes there truly is nothing more you can do and the best thing in those situations is to let go. This is not the same as failure.
Working out for function over form is way more sustainable.
I’ve talked about this before but working out for aesthetics will never be as rewarding as working out for a specific functional reason. If you have ongoing functional reasons to workout, you will find that it becomes a much more sustainable habit in the long term.
Consistency will win eventually.
Most people can do something for a short period of time. Very few people stick to something long term. Consistent work over a long period of time will always beat out short term bursts of work.
Prioritize your friendships. They matter even more as you get older.
This is very true. Getting older can be isolating, and it may take more effort to invest in your friendships but keeping these relationships healthy will do wonders for your health and longevity.
Time spent with family is never misspent.
In the same vein, don’t neglect your family. Your parents are getting older. Your siblings are forming their own lives. I know not everyone has an amazing relationship with their family but know that your time with them is limited. Don’t waste it.
Learning to do your hair properly can completely change how you look.
I hate hate HATE doing my hair but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t make a huge difference in my appearance. Even just having a proper haircut can do wonders for your face. Also have you seen those before and after videos of men actually getting proper haircuts? Those barbers are changing lives.
90% of your computer/tech issues can probably be solved by clearing your cache or just turning your computer/device off/on again.
You do not have to be a tech genius to troubleshoot - just let your tech BREATHE every now and then.
A sweet treat after your meal will not wreck anything.
I don’t care what kind of diet you’re on, denying yourself the treats you love is not sustainable. And if you’re focused on long term progress, indulging in those treats every so often will not ruin that progress. I promise.
Don’t ever be afraid of color or texture.
After college I fell into the grey/beige/black trap with both my wardrobe and interior design. I told myself I was being a minimalist but really I was trying to be something I wasn’t. Color, texture, and patterns are interesting and they are fun - do not limit your style because of whatever is in fashion at the time.
Taste is developed by asking yourself WHY you like or don’t like things.
When you pick something up in a store, go one step further and ask yourself why you like it. If you ask yourself why you like/don’t like things - this will help you notice your own patterns and determine your preferences more clearly.
You don’t need to worry about making a decision until you actually have a choice.
A classic from my dad. I used to agonize about future decision points like whether to take a job that I didn’t even have an offer for yet but he would remind me that I didn’t actually have any problems or anything I could do until the choice had actually been presented to me. Worrying before then is simply pointless.
You can actually over-analyze yourself.
It’s true. Being able to intellectualize your feelings is not the same as feeling them. More analysis is not always better.
Say yes to as many trips as you can.
Traveling is a sure fire way to get out of your own head. Go on a solo trip. Go on the girls trip. Go on the family vacation. I have never ever regretted a trip.
Every change will have some sort of sacrifice, but that’s not always a bad thing. It’s up to you to decide which sacrifices are worth it.
Sacrifice is often framed as a bad thing but it’s a simple truth that every change you go through will sacrifice something. Sometimes the sacrifices are tangible like time or money and other times they are small like a change in routine. The sacrifices you deem worthwhile will define your trajectory in life.
Put your phone away.
I know everyone is tired of hearing it but it’s true. The less time I spend scrolling on my phone, the better I feel.
Spend time outside whenever you can.
Choose the outdoor option at restaurants, walk to get someplace, go on a hike. I live in a concrete jungle and even walking to work makes me feel so much better and more connected with the world around me.
Truly no one thinks about what you’re doing as much as you do.
I know it’s hard to believe because you’re just so damn important, aren’t you?
Planning is simply a way to help future you.
When I don’t want to do something. I always ask myself if future me will be grateful for it. It’s usually a good idea to make life easier for yourself in the long term when it’s an option
Drink water.
It’s necessary and getting enough of it will improve nearly every bodily function you have.
If you’re in a mood – check if you’ve eaten and gotten some exercise.
Whenever I have called my mom and am a bit snippy, she asks me if I have exercised and eaten recently. Usually one is lacking and she will tell me to go do one or the other and then call her back after. Then she hangs up.
Everything good that has ever happened to you has been a surprise. You owe it to yourself to leave opportunities for good surprises to keep finding you.
A bit of advice from a good friend when I was in a depression spiral. No matter how bleak things may seem, you simply do not know when your next happy moment will be and you should be ready for it.
Don’t plan too far ahead, you can never predict where you’ll end up.
Similarly, don’t try and plan too far ahead. I’ve long since given up having a ‘5-year plan’ because when I look back even one year ago, there is simply no way I could’ve predicted where I’d be.
Get a pedicure. Buy that keychain. Use the cute coffee mug.
Getting a pedicure gives me a disproportionate amount of joy compared to the effort it takes to get one. When you find those little things that just give you some simple happiness - don’t skimp on them.
Don’t quit before you’ve started.
Starting is when you’re going to be the worst at something, the most unsure, and it will feel the hardest. Don’t talk yourself out of starting something just because you know the beginning will be tough, I’m still working on this one.
A romantic partner cannot fill 100% of your needs.
We are raised on this notion of our partners being ‘perfect’ for us. And while a partner should fulfill your major needs, they cannot be expected to be everything for you, all of the time. That is what your other relationships are for.
Money is more valuable than time up until a point. After that point, time is more valuable. You decide where that point is.
Self explanatory. Money can buy happiness up to a point. But blind pursuit of wealth can often mean compromising heavily on other areas of your life and it’s important to recognize when enough is enough.
Learn to cook.
Cooking is a rare skill that can literally nourish both your mind and body. It satisfies a creative impulse to physically make something - and you usually get to enjoy the fruits of that effort. Learning to cook will also make you more aware of ingredients and how exactly your body is reacting to different types of food.
You have time.
I started my 20s feeling like time was already running out. I constantly felt like I was behind. Now? Now I am wondering how I will ever fill the years ahead of me. You have so much time. You have time to start something new. You have time to change. You have time to succeed. Breathe.
November Consumption Report
I’ve developed the following rating system, it’s half Michelin inspired and half of my own making.
5/5 - go out of your way to consume this, it is incredible, we will have endless discussions if you do. I’m obsessed.
4/5 - It is good. If you pick it up, I bet you won’t be disappointed
3/5 - Take it or leave it. It didn’t offend nor impress me
2/5 - It maybe has a couple redeemable qualities. Would not consume it knowing what I know now.
1/5 - Avoid at all costs. Go out of your way to avoid it.
Here are November ratings: Actually consumed quite a bit this past month despite the holiday!
Books
Communion - Bell Hooks (4/5)
The Will of the Many - James Islington (4/5)
Stormfront (Dresden Files) - Jim Butcher (3/5)
Bunny - Mona Awad (4/5)
Movies
Four Weddings & a Funeral (3/5)
Plus One (3/5)
The Fugitive (4/5)
Shakespeare in Love (5/5)
Fantastic Planet (4/5)
Grave of the Fireflies (5/5)
Wicked (5/5)
Gladiator 2 (2/5)
Wild Robot (4/5)
TV Shows
Dandadan - still ongoing but so far (4/5)
Arcane S2 (5/5) - possibly my number one show this year
Interview with the vampire S1 - 4/5
