How Fitness Has Impacted My Relationships

I never really considered fitness an important part of my relationships. In fact, most of my most important relationships historically haven’t included fitness at all. Other than running and going to the gym with my mom while growing up, and living with a body builder during college, none of my other close friendships, romantic relationships, or familial ones have relied on fitness as a common interest.

Furthermore, despite the fact that it’s a hugely important part of my own life, I never thought I needed it in a romantic partner. I figured as long as I still had time for my workouts, and my partner was still reasonably healthy, there was no reason for us to share in fitness as a hobby. Physical activity was always something I would put in a special request for in the same way they would request I watch a show or listen to a band that they loved but that I had little interest in outside of my relationship with them. Now that I think about it, I have distinct memories of pushing most of my exes to an uncomfortable point. Some threw up, some nearly fainted, and I was always worried about them collapsing at some point.

To be fair, I do have a masochistic streak. I usually seek out hard workouts, difficult hikes, and am only satisfied with activities where I can consistently improve. I don’t really care to work out to ‘just be in shape’ I like to learn new skills and push myself to get better at the ones I already have.

My current relationship has completely disproved my original thinking. My boyfriend is just as fit as me, and in some cases, it feels like he’s the one dragging me along. Now that we’ve been dating for a while, I realize that having fitness as a common interest was something I had really been missing. But it’s not just because we can go on hikes without either one of us throwing up, it’s because it actually adds to our relationship.

The first thing it adds is quality time. Because we both enjoy physical activity, it’s not something we have to convince the other to take part in. It’s something we both enjoyed separately but that we can now share. Since we both spend a substantial amount of time on it, it’s really nice that some of that time can overlap.

We also both enjoy pushing ourselves pretty hard which makes it natural for us to push each other. I know that I created friction in prior relationships by pushing my partner when it wasn’t something that they wanted, but in this relationship, we are pretty equal. We both consistently want to get better at our respective activities. For example, he has pushed me to be a better climber, and I’ve pushed him to be a better runner. For activities we’re both good at, like skiing, we’ll even record each other so we can play it back to watch our form and see how we can improve!

Finally, having this shared interest enhances the partnership aspect of our relationship. I know that my partner has prioritized their health in the same way that I have prioritized mine and it is easier for me to recognize that they are taking care of themselves properly. This will become even more important as we age but the habits for it are all built now.

At the end of the day, fitness and physical activity aren’t really the point. If I had another hobby that provided all of the attributes I listed above then it would be equally valuable to me. I thought it didn’t matter in a relationship because I thought fitness was an individual choice, something that wouldn’t really affect the relationship itself. To an extent, I was right. It wasn’t as if not having fitness as a shared interest ever killed the relationship on its own. But in having someone who can reflect those same interests back at me has simply made me realize, and come to terms with, how important it truly is and how much I had been overlooking it the past.

This probably isn’t the same for everyone, nor should it be. But if you do have some hobby or pursuit that you spend a lot of time on, that makes you happy, and that you want to improve upon, then it’s probably pretty important to you, which means you probably would love nothing more than to share it with people you care about - at least sometimes. It took me multiple relationships to figure this out, but if you aren’t able to do this in your current relationship, I’d strongly suggest reevaluating if it’s one you want to be in.